taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
