I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
