she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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