I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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