Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
