I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I look excited, but its just a facade.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
