happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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