Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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