this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
