She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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