He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
