I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
