I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
