there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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