Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
