well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize