when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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