he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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