good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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