If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
