I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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