: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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