Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
