Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
