So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
