i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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