Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
