Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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