The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
