WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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