By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
