He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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