I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
