Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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