I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
