she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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