is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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