so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
4 words: hood of his car
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Did I show you my penis last night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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