i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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