Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
