My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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