there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
