if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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