he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
