dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
