Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
