things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
