In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
