Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
