drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
no, he came in my armpit
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
