Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
