sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
