im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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