we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
