I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
