just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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