ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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