Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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