Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
