it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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