he looks like a really good dad on facebook
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize