I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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