Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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