he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
