Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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