i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
dude. I can hear the air.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
