im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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