I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
