Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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