I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
